Rosalind Wiseman: AC360 Reveals How Penn State Fails Victims Again

After watching AC360's extraordinary report on the inhumane treatment of Sandusky's alleged victims and the cover up that is now occurring, I have a suggestion for the chief of police who hid in his office rather than talk to the reporter. Instead of cowering, he should get himself in front of that camera and say,

"Even though there is an on-going investigation, for all those children who have come forward I am sorry. We don't know what the conclusion will be but as the police chief in this community, it is my sacred responsibility to protect our most vulnerable. I will work hard to do so in any way I can now and in the future."

This is what an honorable leader does who prioritizes the emotional and physical safety of the people in his community.

He does not hide.

It's bad enough that a pedophile creates a structure where he can systematically sexual assault children year after year. But now it seems clear that not only did other adults allowed it to happen, but they contributed to the abuse by ostracizing and dehumanizing the victims. All I can think of is how incapable adults seem to be to do the right thing.

To be clear, here is how the extended network of enablers made the sexual assault of children even worse:

1. When a victim tried to get help from an adult, the message was that Sandusky's stature in the community and the pedestal football was placed upon within the Penn State Community was more important than the child.


2. Adults dismissed or silenced the victims by saying that they shouldn't stain Sandusky's reputation, and he had "a heart of gold" (which school officials told the mother of a victim) are not just ignorant bystanders. Make no mistake they contributed to the silencing of a child and parent who were desperately trying to get help. On top of the usual shame victims feel about abuse, imagine how frightening it was for these kids and their parents to go to authority figures in their community for help. They knew they were challenging one of the most powerful people in their community. In that moment, the response from people they went to for help was either making them feel that they were making it up or it just wasn't possible.
   
3. Mothers who came forward were belittled and dismissed. It is becoming clear that the power of these men silenced the mothers. If the mothers did come forward they were dismissed and ridiculed. The whole thing was built to silence the victims and the mothers who didn't have the power to have their voice heard.

We are now faced with an incredible question: Was the power of Penn State's football legacy so overwhelming that many people, however tangentially connected to it, became moral degenerates? In my previous article on this issue, I described my experiences with other institutions in somewhat similar circumstances and how to understand the seemingly incomprehensible decision to protect the abusers over the abused.

If you are ever in a position where someone comes to you for help in a similar situation, the only thing you should say is, "Thank you so much for telling me. I am sure that was really hard to tell me. Let me find out what I need to do to start the process where you can feel safe." You never say anything about what you think about the alleged perpetrator's guilt or innocence. You never say, "I can't believe what you are telling me. That's not possible," even if you are having a hard time believing it. Instead you go through the process of verifying the claim and go from there.

If you are a child or parent who goes to an authority figure and they dismiss what you are saying, your response is, "I don't want to discuss if you think he is innocent. I am asking you to help me (or my child) feel safe and go through the process to verify my claim." If they don't do that, than ask to speak to someone else because that person is less than worthless to you.

We all need to do some hard looking at ourselves and what we stand for because Penn State is not the only community who has had this ugly exploitation and betrayal of its most vulnerable. As I have said before, the moment you think this can't occur in your community, is the moment you become more vulnerable to it.

I talk to teens everyday about topics that are often extraordinarily uncomfortable. I am getting to the place where I have nothing else to say but this:

"Adults in positions of power often will abuse it. Many adults, especially those who cultivate the image of honor will betray the values they say they hold dear. Others adults will either back up the bullies or be incapable of stopping them. Your best bet is to become aware of this as fast as possible, figure out which adults in your life can watch your back and don't trust anyone else."

Yes, it's cynical. But what's the alternative? In twelve hours I will be working with 150 high school student leaders. I, for one, am not going to pretend that adults are anything less than a disappointment.

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Follow Rosalind Wiseman on Twitter: www.twitter.com/rosalindwiseman

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosalind-wiseman/ac-360-reveals-how-penn-s_b_1098681.html

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